Frank Burroughs – Ink Slinger

It’s nothing like being brought up short. Happens enough for me that I’m not sad for long. Something that could have been beautiful ends. It just started, then goes cold. Well, it happens. Doesn’t matter it was one of my favorite things. The world still turns. The next day brings new wonders. It also brings old sadness. Since it takes more courage to go on than give in, you tuck sadness into a corner never visited. In time wonders come true. Have courage.

Defeats hit a solid blow. Don’t think I just shrug them off. Wait for the next ride that comes along to get over it. Each cut leaves a scare to remember. The scars add up to a truth hard to handle. What choice do you have but to go on. Swallow the hard facts and tighten up your soul. The next blow might not be so bad.

This dead end opened my eyes to a fact, though. My decades of isolation are over. It took a spark of friendship to fizzle for this to become apparent. Since I started getting ill in the late 1990s relationships ended at the front door. My friends were predators and my loves always found Mister right. The battle of my legs giving out took all there was. Playing the game became less and less important. Woodcarving stopped when all the stories to carve ended. In time less than a handful of people crossed the threshold.

The need to make a living brought part of me out from the isolation. Bookbinding turned into the way forward. A whole new crowd to put on a show for. This time when the fair closed I wrapped up my books to return to splendid solitude. Until the next farmers market and I could be friendly again.

Still I kept getting slammed. Brought up short be defeat at every turn. My skin grew hard and the heart cold. Practical, I thought. Life is not meant to be easy. Do your best, learn and bury the sadness.

Then I moved back to Montana. Life long friends brought me out. As the years went on acting small parts in passing moments fell aside. Trust in friendships grew. Beliefs long wrapped up in a cherished place seen the light of day. Ten years later my health has returned. Friendships grow like leaves on a tree!

The latest defeat rocked home that my recovery from isolation is not complete. Closing up in solitude will not do this time. This time I had something to lose. Freedom. Brought up short to myself. I need to open the door and step out. Dare to live again.